Adventures in Travel, Episode One: Plague and Permeability

Batman did not arrive to rescue me from the SWMs. Nor did Sober Remorse Woman, who’s my fear-pseudonym superheroine of choice. But the weekend is here, and the SWMs won’t be back until Monday. So, now I can come out of hiding and tell you about my PA-NY-TN trip.

(Incidentally, the Long Island Iced Tea, um, incident occurred two years ago, when I was 22 and the 22-year-old was...gosh...practically a teenager. My hippocampus has developed considerably since then – at the ripe age of almost-25, I would never get intoxicated with a younger man in my hometown. I’d choose a different town, much farther away. A town where the likelihood of a "second encounter" would be nil.)

(Also, I apologize for the rusty writing. There’s no excuse for "incidentally" and "incident." Even out-of-work editors should know better.)

So, the trip. Due to a flaw in our bionic powers of communication, Exploding Airplane Engine Chick and I missed our Big Apple rendezvous. That probably means that we won’t be promoted to full-time soft pretzel avengers. Still, Mom and I did our best to conquer the Upper West Side on our own.

Before we elbowed our way through Times Square, we exercised super-strength by defeating Mesh Shirt Man. Mesh Shirt Man (MSM) appeared harmless enough when he approached us during my yard sale in Honesdale. Mid-40s, moustache, sneakers. The mesh shirt might have sparked my weird-detector, but, then again, perhaps PA humidity called for perforated sportswear. As a function-over-form gal, I try not to judge.

In fact, I had made a rather poor fashion choice also – I was wearing my "I *heart* Nerds" t-shirt. MSM welcomed the invitation. "So, you love nerds?" he smiled. "Um, uh-huh." I pretended to change the price on a table lamp. "You really love nerds?" I looked around for my mother, then remembered she had taken the Acura for a gas refill. Bugger. MSM picked up a used hairdryer. "You know what you should do with this?" I had no clue where he was going. I should...dry my hair? Call for help? "What you do is, you put on some sunglasses and take this down to the park." MSM clutched the hairdryer in both fists, like a mesh-clad Pierce Brosnan. "Then you aim it at the cars as they drive by." MSM chuckled loudly. I laughed and walked back....back...back toward the porch. "Hey!" MSM announced. "You gotta do something in this town to keep from going insane."

Ah, Honesdale. I miss you.

Here, I insert a "to be continued," because the morning is slipping away and I haven’t showered. The hijinks get better, I promise. Hijinks. What a fun word. Yeah, I’m a nerd, too.