Friday, November 25, 2005

Don't Go Changin'

I know folks don’t enjoy being pigeonholed, but it seems to me that the world contains two groups of people: those who like Billy Joel and those who don’t.

This division might seem arbitrary. Actually, it is arbitrary. I decided a couple of days ago, after an uneventful phone conversation with HTS. She was describing the stand-up routine of some locally popular comedian (“That Mr. Pibb...he’s just lazy! Why don’t he get his degree?”), and I asked if she had any comedy clips in her MP3 collection. “Would you burn a CD for me? I’m all alone and friendless in Charlottesville...” The self-pity routine hasn’t gotten me too far on this blog, but it worked for HTS, sort of. “What can you burn for me?” Ah, reciprocity. Well, I have Aerosmith. No? Justin Timberlake? Long pause. Billy Joel? I swear, the receiver got much warmer. “Don’t you dare put any of that ‘Always a Woman’ crap on my CD!”

Hmmm...frequently kind...suddenly cruel. (Only kidding, dear.)

After we mutually decided on Carly Simon (Moonlight Serenade album), I took a moment to evaluate my stance in the pro-Billy camp. What is it about the Piano Man? In my mind, his songs can be collected in three categories: Peppy Billy (“Uptown Girl,” “Tell Her About It”), Edgy Billy (“You May Be Right,” “Movin’ Out”) and Sappy Billy (“Just the Way You Are,” the controversial “Always a Woman”). But despite the dichotomies, he tends to, well, sound the same. It’s not like the Beatles’ early years versus “Paul is dead.” If Billy Joel were a food, he’d be pumpkin pie. As Garrison Keillor put it, “How different is the best pumpkin pie you ever ate from the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate?”

I suspect my boyfriend is anti-Billy. Since the start of our relationship, he’s made me two CDs. CD 1 contains Belle and Sebastian, Sufjan Stevens, M. Ward, and Wilco, among others. CD 2 contains more Belle and Sebastian, more Sufjan Stevens, Wolf Parade, Built to Spill, and Animal Collective. No “Captain Jack.” I’ve burned him one CD in return: “Cantaloop Flip Fantasia,” Notorious B.I.G. “Hypnotize,” and Dee-lite “Groove Is In the Heart.” I don’t know why I go to extremes.

Can Billy-yin reconcile with Billy-yang? This morning I looked to “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” for answers. B. Joel was one of Ellen’s guests, and I hoped Ellen would get Billy to the couch, allowing a dose of armchair psychology. No luck. After a pumpkin-pie rendition of “Only the Good Die Young,” Billy left the studio, making room for Queen Latifah. Somehow I doubt Queen Latifah listens to Billy Joel, either.

Perhaps I’m in dubious company on my River of Dreams, but I refuse to jump ship. These are unpredictable times: W.M.D. or no W.M.D.? Carbs or no carbs? Melt in your mouth or hit you with a street lamp (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/25/nyregion/25cnd-parade.html?hp&ex=1132981200&en=b7bb95e562f8ceb3&ei=5094&partner=homepage)? I’ll take Billy’s state of mind and skip the 500-lb. chocolates.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bourbon in pumpkin pie makes it more exciting. Maybe a couple of bourbon and sodas helps Billy sound better to mah ole ears. mumsie

9:50 PM  
Blogger Jesse Anna Bornemann said...

Not bourbon...SoCo...

10:22 PM  
Blogger Jesse Anna Bornemann said...

Incidentally, I just looked at my "Top 25 Most Played" on iTunes -#16 "I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5. #20 "I Don't Want You Back" by Eamon. I guess I can't make up my mind about much.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hee hee'

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good timing, I've been thinking of Billy lately. Well, it's because we're having a party and I'm making Willie hide our Billy LPs. We have his greatest hits on CD, which is fine with me, but we also own several of his albums on vinyl. (Willie's parents bought them for him years ago at a swap meet.) I enjoy "Only the Good Die Young" as much as the next person, but will die of shame if people come to my house and notice that we own "Glass Houses" on vinyl. (and PS do you remember Katy's wonderful version of "OTGDY"? It was called "Only the Newsies Have Fun.")

10:06 AM  

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