Bed, Bath, and Bewildered

If I wanted to, I could move out of here on Wednesday. A 2/br, 1/ba hdwd. flr., central a/c on Pine Street in Uptown N.O. is mine starting June 1. I found a home (and more than one beignet). Let the decorating begin.

My mom is a career decorator. Shortly after “Trading Spaces” became a staple (or a stud gun) on TLC, she started a business called Melinda Haines Arranges Great Rooms. Clients pay her to provide extreme makeovers to their souvenir-plated living rooms and kitschy kitchens. When she started the biz, her appointment book included a few consultations with neighbors and Junior League friends. Thanks to the Murf grapevine, she now carts scones and drape fabric to Nashville at least thrice a week. She has the skills to floof Green Hills, my mom.

The designer gene, well….it skipped me. My former Hughes housemate will vouch. Danielle routinely revamped her wardrobe by hauling Hefty bags of last summer’s trends to Goodwill. I got dibs before Goodwill. “You’re ‘function over form,’” D. would sigh, gazing mournfully at my Gap jeans and sneakers. Yes, but I got less blisters.

Danielle and I both bought parts of our bedroom sets at Ikea in Houston, but I bet she has swapped her giant gray pillow for a few Victoria’s Secret throws by now. I’m still sleeping under a pink-and-red, floral comforter that would go equally well in my 4-year-old cousin’s bedroom. My childhood bear lounges on the top sheet. I know Ted is thinking, “Grow up, already.”

But, to quote Peter Pan (not that I have a Peter Pan complex…Not I. Not me. No way.….): “Growing up is awfuller than all the awful things that ever were.” If I could pattern my new bedroom after a Disney movie or a spiky-haired boy band, I’d be there. In elementary school, my themed birthday parties would have made Capote’s Black and White Ball blush. What’s the theme for adulthood? Something in olive?

My mom suggests a “retro” style, and since I already have a few Mary Tyler Mooreish pieces from my grandparents’ kitchen, I’ll probably look for more orange and chartreuse.

Thank goodness I have a few more nights to sleep on it….under my pink polka-dot blankets.