Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

I could write an essay to summarize the events of the past week, but the week's pace seemed better suited to a G&S tune. Many apologies for the coarseness of the language....I'm an editor, not a Pirate King.

*ahem*

It was the very model of a typically crazy week
My brain’s so full of flashbacks from it now that I can hardly speak
I know Siddhartha sagely claims that crazy weeks, they too, shall pass
But the sum events from this one week completely knocked me on my ass

The sum events from this one week completely knocked her on her ass
The sum events from this one week completely knocked her on her ass
The sum events from this one week TKOed her, knocked her on her ass

It started on a Sunday with my journey to the laundromat
My car is making noises reminiscent of a drowning cat
The oil light’s on, and Dad suggests I call the Exxon right away
If I want my engine to survive until next Saturday

I dial the service station and deliver my poor vehicle
Suspecting that this trip will cost me more that just one wee nickel
It turns out that my brakes are shot -- they can’t survive another hill
Three more digits charged to Jesse’s ever-mounting Visa bill

Three more digits charged to Jesse’s ever-mounting Visa bill
Three more digits charged to Jesse’s ever-mounting Visa bill
How will she pay this monstrous, climbing, ever-mounting Visa-isa bill?

On Wednesday the phone rings twice, I think it’s a mechanic’s call
Out of breath, I race to beat my voicemail’s flat, atonal drawl
Summoning a chipper note and full-of-hope I say “hello,”
“This is ______,” intones my ex from not so very long ago

We chat for twenty minutes while my stomach plays the acrobat,
He wants to say he’s sorry, but I’ve simply had enough of that
I try to make it plain -- his face I really do not care to see
Until we both have seen a few more dozen years of therapy

Until they both have seen a few more dozen years of therapy
Until they both have seen a few more dozen years of therapy
Perhaps after a thousand hours of most intensive thera-era-py.

The weekend is upon me; I regard it with utmost ado
On Friday night I doze off after Muppets and a drink or two
Next morning I find I’d like to snooze and read my book a bit
But horrors -- I promised a co-worker that I’d babysit

I won’t be playing videos or multiple, fun rounds of Clue
I’m overseeing toddlers at a wedding and reception, too
Mary’s sitting with me; it’s a match to challenge both our wills
This matrimony better not depend upon our child-care skills

This matrimony better not depend upon their child-care skills
This matrimony better not depend upon their child-care skills
The wedding should not hinge upon two interns’ meager babysitting skills

The ring bearer’s a two year old who races up and down the aisle
I do my best to plaster on a self-assured and placid smile
Perform the Macarena with some puppets that we brought along
Can’t believe I’m here or that the DJ chose to play this song.

At last the cake is cut and we’re given the OK to go
I’m happy to get home and lie down upon a couch pillow
Voicemail flashing, and I wonder who could this call be?
A summer fling who telephoned -- he wanted to “say hi” to me.

This summer fling telephoned and wanted to say hi to me
This summer fling telephoned and wanted to say hi to me
What is it with these former flames calling just to say hello to me?

This morning starts another week; it’s Dad’s birthday, and all is well
As weeks go, I’m sure that this’ll be a better sell.
In short, I think it’s rather safe to say I’ve more than fully hit my peak
Of things that I can handle in a typically crazy week

In short, we can but only state it’s safe that Jesse’s hit her peak
Of things that she can handle in a typically crazy week.